The best way to get the sex you want? Just ask…

Discussing what you like and dislike in the bedroom isn’t always easy – but it is a great way to improve your relationship, both inside and outside the bedroom. If you want to explore your sexuality with your partner and discover a new world of great sex but don’t know how to put it into words, try these straight-forward suggestions and tell your partner what you really like…

1. Know what you want to say

Before you can talk to your lover about what you like and dislike in the bedroom, you must first know it yourself. Spend a little ‘me-time’ understanding exactly what it is that gets you going. There’s no right or wrong answer – it’s all about what feels best for you.

2. Use clear language

Once you’re ready to talk to your partner about your fantasies, use clear language to explain them and prevent any misunderstandings. From your preferred style of foreplay to your favourite sexual positions, be clear and candid and you’ll enjoy the results.

3. Ask others

Relationship advice is readily available from many sources so ask others for help on how to broach the subject of sex with your partner. See how your similar friends have handled this sensitive topic to provide inspiration for your own conversations.

4. Don’t be embarrassed

If you are shy or embarrassed when discussing sex then your partner may not take you as seriously as you’d like and you’ll more than likely not get to the point. Be honest and upfront and remember that you’re not alone in wanting great sex and it’s nothing to be embarrassed about.

5. Go online

Online forums and groups are a great place to discuss your desires and discover new things you’d like to try that you maybe hadn’t thought of before. Look at them with your partner and talk about the new suggestions together to see what you both are interested in. This way, you’re getting others to do the hard bit if you’re too shy to directly suggest new things to your lover.

6. Know the limits

When talking to your partner about your sex life, make sure you are both aware of the limits of what you are and aren’t willing to do. This will avoid any awkward or uncomfortable mistakes and ensure sex is not derailed by a simple misunderstanding.

7. Ask what they want

If you’re struggling to talk about your own desires, then ask your partner what really gets them going. You should always strive for mutual satisfaction in the bedroom and getting your partner to go first will give you more confidence to tell them what you want too!

8. Talk about sex outside the bedroom

Studies have shown that couples who talk about sex outside of the bedroom have a better and healthier sex life than those who don’t. Bringing up the subject when you’re not right in the throes of passion can also ensure your requests sound less like demands which could take your partner by surprise. Choosing a neutral setting can also make the conversation more comfortable and easier to hold.

9. Take the test

You may be unaware, but there are plenty of confidential sex tests that you can take online with your partner to see what fantasies you share. Only compatible results are shown so if you’re worried about revealing too much, this is a great way to expand your horizons without revealing all of your desires upfront.

10. Play a game

For something with a little more fun-factor, why not explore your sexuality with sex games? This is a great way to experiment with your partner and will put you both on an even playing field when it comes to revealing your desires.

As you’re playing a game, there will be a certain amount of distance created too – which could make it easier for coy individuals to open up!


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