Control your libido and give your relationship the ride it needs!
So your sex-drives aren’t the same? Why would they be? You two are not the same people, after all. A difference in sex-drives is one of the most common problems a long-term relationship can suffer. Although they’re probably similar, you and your partner have different emotions and different lifestyles, so your libidos will often be set alight at different times, naturally.
There are a whole bunch of things that may get your sex-drive racing; people crave sex for different reasons. As well as to feel affection, attention, desirability and validate attractiveness, many turn to sex as a way to wind down, relieve stress or distract themselves from other issues. Let’s not forgot those who just want a core-shaking orgasm for orgasm’s sake – I mean, who can blame them!
At the same time, men and women both go through phases of not having that burning desire to make love to their partner at any given opportunity. Our minds work in different ways, so whilst personal stress might set your lover’s sex-drive ablaze, it might completely turn you off. Anxiety, depression and worry are all triggers for a lack of libido and there are many physical reasons that could explain why you’re not in the mood too, such as medication or an unhealthy lifestyle.
In an ideal world (and your deepest fantasies) you and your partner would be completely in sync when it comes to your need to get naughty!
Love their libido…
If your partner wants more-than-frequent sex as a form of stress relief and you’re really not in the mood, a massage can release tension as an alternative that suits you both. Grab some sensual massage gel such as Durex Play Sensual Massage 2 in 1 and make a night of it. If it’s affection that they crave, pulling them close under the covers for a cuddle can make them feel more alive than you’d imagine!
An intense orgasm doesn’t have to mean intercourse – foreplay could give your lover an even more intense thrill; if you don’t want full sex, why not let your fingers do the walking and your lips do the talking.
Masturbation is known to increase sex drive in both men and women. Have a little me time more often and indulge in regular self-pleasure to kick start your libido and get on the same level as your lover!
Maintaining a healthy lifestyle for yourself will increase your sex-drive, so if your lover is more sexually orientated than you in general, this is a great way to keep up! The vitamins in fruit and vegetables help to maintain blood flow to the male and female sex organs so get your 5-a-day and let your pulses run away! Regular exercise has the same effect and will also improve your confidence, which has a knock on effect to your libido!
Get them in the mood to be rude…
If you’re up for it at the drop of a hat and your partner just isn’t feeling it, it’s easy to let it knock your confidence. It’s more likely that they have personal reasons to be lacking in libido rather than finding you unattractive.
Be empathetic and show you care about how they’re feeling; understanding each other personally with open and honest communication is vital. Let them get it off their chest and confide in you. They’ll feel a weight has been lifted just by talking it over. You’ll feel closer as a couple, too, and voila – you won’t be able to keep your hands off each other!
Maybe your partner just needs to spend a little time on seduction and arousal before they’re ready for sex. Why not dim the lights, pour yourselves a glass of wine, get really deep in conversation and see where you end up – our guess is the bedroom!
It’s important to remember that at certain points in your relationship you’re going to have different needs. Try not to worry about it too much, as this will only add pressure to your sex-life and your relationship, which will only have negative effects. Work a little harder on figuring out what your partner wants and embrace the temporary change – it could refresh your relationship!