What matters most is that you’re both feeling ready.
LOVE YOUR SEX
So, you’re thinking about having sex? Even for the most confident of us, there will always be some perfectly normal ‘what if I get it wrong’ thoughts. And that’s totally ok. What really matters most is building up a feeling of intimacy between you both and helping each other to feel more confident about the experience you’re going to share together.
There aren’t any rules about how long you need to be together before you have sex. And having sex just once with one person is ok too. First-time sex is about feeling ready. It’s about thinking some stuff through and talking about things like consent, respect, safety, and assertiveness with people you trust – and hopefully that will include your partner(s). You’re the one who can and should decide when the right moment is for you.
When it comes to sex, there’s no one way to do it. Oral, anal, vaginal and masturbation are all types of sexual activity. Some positions made for penetration can still feel really satisfying if you just want to rub against each other rather than go “all the way”. Remember, whatever position you choose the most important thing is for you and your partner(s) to feel respected, so you can both enjoy the experience as much as possible.
When it comes to sex, there’s no one way to do it
TOP TIPS FOR A POSITIVE FIRST TIME
For your first time, safety and consent are key. If you want to have sex with your partner(s), it’s important to have a talk before you get down to it. A good place to start, is protection. To enable you both to feel as safe as possible, choose an effective method of contraception, like condoms.
Condoms offer protection against pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases. In fact, they are the only form of contraception that can both prevent pregnancy and protect against STIs. When used correctly every time you have sex, male condoms are 98% effective. Condoms are a ‘barrier’ method, made of very thin latex (rubber), or non-latex such as polyurethane or polyisoprene. Condoms help prevent pregnancy by acting as a physical barrier that prevents sperm, released during ejaculation, from entering the vagina. So, if you choose to use condoms, you can have that extra peace of mind that you’re having sex on your own terms.
Enthusiastic consent from everyone involved is another key part of any sexual experience
Enthusiastic consent from everyone involved is another key part of any sexual experience – first time and every time. Make sure you have both agreed to what is about to happen, and regularly check in with each other before, during, and after sex. The importance of communication for pleasurable sexual experiences really matters for all of your life.
You can build up to the moment itself with lots of intimate foreplay - stroking, touching, kissing. Get to know each other’s bodies and the sensations you both like - or don’t like. Spend time knowing what feels right to you both. Help each other feel confident with positive body language and words.
The first time you have sex you can try out different positions but if they don’t click with you, that’s absolutely fine too – just relax and see what feels most pleasurable. With some positions, you don’t have to have fully penetrative sex, you can enjoy the moment just as much with non-penetrative sex if that feels less pressured.
There’s something very sensual about being skin-on-skin, face-to-face with a partner in the heat of the moment. Although sometimes seen as a tamer position, The Missionary creates lots of intimate opportunities for kissing and eye contact.
With one person lying on their back and the other on top, you can move your bodies against each other. While checking in with each other regularly, one of you might want to penetrate the other slowly with your penis, toy, or fingers. You might also gently massage their genital area as you lean into their body.
You could try some lube too, as it can enhance the pleasure you might experience and can also help make penetration and stimulation even smoother.
2. Them On Top
Them On Top is a simple one: just switch places with whoever was on top in The Missionary position. If you’re having penetrative sex, the person on the bottom can also stay in control of how deep it goes. This allows control of the speed and the rhythm and is a good position for each of you to rub and move against each other without any penetration if you don’t want to.
This position is a good one for finding out what suits you and your partner(s), at your own pace. Explore each others bodies and experiment with the way you move together. Sex is a fluid experience, and it’s OK to try things out in the moment with consent.
3. On The Edge
This is another straightforward move physically, and not a million miles away from The Missionary. To get this position to work, one partner rests on their back at the edge of the bed with their legs hanging off, while the other steps back from the bed and places their body between their legs.
It’s totally ok just to feel the sensations of physical contact. Use your hands to caress and touch each other, gently easing into penetration if you’re both ok with that.
4. The Dragon
In this position, one person lies on their stomach with one or two pillows under their pelvis while their partner lies on top of them, mimicking their position. There’s something very close and intimate about lying together in this way and with the person underneath slightly raised it brings a new feeling to your sexual activity. There’s no need to go any further than this unless you both want to.
If you do find yourself moving towards penetration, then whoever is on top might then want to penetrate their partner slowly from behind, with a penis, toy, or fingers, or stimulate the genital area using their hands or mouth. Keep checking in on each other, asking each other what feels good and if it’s ok to keep going.
You can help build slower, rhythmic movements with this position.
5. The Spoon
Spooning is one of the most intimate ways to explore sex for your first time. If you’re feeling especially shy or nervous - that’s absolutely understandable - this position means you aren’t facing each other but you are feeling very close, and very together.
One partner lies on their side with the other partner laying behind them like a big spoon – allowing for lots of interaction and touching of the important erogenous zones. From here, the person behind can stimulate their partner’s genitals, moving to penetrate them from behind if both people are consenting and holding them close the whole time.
Stay safe and enjoy
It’s really important to stay safe and make sure you use an appropriate and effective method of contraception. Having sex for the first time is a big deal, so making sure you’re starting out safely can help you feel more relaxed.
Don’t forget, you can try all of these positions without penetration and work your way up to that. It’s not about being ‘good’ at sex, it’s not a skill. It’s about creating some very special moments together and being in tune with your own emotions and vibes and those of your partner(s). If you’re exploring each other’s bodies, discovering what you like and what turns you both on, feeling as if you can try, say and do whatever works for you, having unembarrassed conversations about sex, building up each other’s confidence and trust and feeling as ‘yourself’ as possible. That is a truly positive first-time sexual experience.