Honesty is always the best policy and the key to any good relationship is to be open and honest about everything. That includes what you do and don’t like in sex.
Sexual honesty with your partner is about far more than staying faithful or being truthful about the fact that you’re stopping off for a pint on the way home rather than using the age old lie of ‘working late’.
Healthy relationships are founded on trust, respect and sexual honesty at all times. So to avoid getting frustrated in the bedroom, here are three tips for a strong relationship and a great sexlife that’s mutually satisfying.
1. Just ask
Being considerate of your partner’s needs and feelings is always important for a healthy relationship, but whilst many people believe that being a good partner means putting their lover’s needs first, by continually neglecting your own needs you’re storing up trouble.
Being honest doesn’t have to mean being hurtful or rude; the key to telling your partner what works and what doesn’t work for you in the bedroom is to word it the right way. You may get a defensive response if you abruptly blurt out “I don’t like that” during sexual activity. Try having a conversation about your sexual preferences when you and your partner are both in a relaxed environment.
The way you approach the conversation is all important, too. Rather than telling your partner what you specifically DON’T like, tell them what you really love in sex. That way, they won’t feel inadequate and will probably be more than happy to oblige!
2. Don’t fake it
When it comes to orgasms women don’t have the monopoly on faking it. Both men and women fake an orgasm from time to time for a variety of different reasons. But whether it’s to avoid hurting a lover’s feelings, to build their confidence or simply just to end an overly long safe sex session, faking it is only going to send out the wrong signals.
If you convincingly fake an orgasm your lover will, quite innocently, believe that you really enjoyed the sexual activity and that they were doing all the right things. Sadly for you, that means they’ll probably do the same again next time.
Instead of letting the frustration build up, take the lead and show your partner know what you do like and what does work for you. If you’re too tired, drunk or stressed out to orgasm be honest about it.
Remember, sex doesn’t always have to result in a simultaneous orgasm; you’re not always going to be in sync with one another and faking it just to imitate, perhaps, unrealistic passion will only lead to more sexual frustration in the long term.
3. Say ‘no’
Everyone is different and because of that we all have different desires. However, just because a partner asks you to do something sexual or play particular sex games, it doesn’t mean that you automatically have to say yes.
If you don’t enjoy or like the idea of a particular sex act then be open and tell them. You don’t have to be judgmental, just honest. Compromise is a big part of any healthy relationship but doing something that you really don’t enjoy just to please your partner can lead to resentment in the long term.
Finding the sexual confidence to say "no" is just as important as saying "yes".
The basis of any loving, affectionate relationship is trust and respect. Always remember to pay your lover the respect that they deserve by telling the truth about how and what you like and you won’t be in need of any relationship advice!
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